Part 5 - The Contest
by GuaRRand
Summary: This is where it happens. The man will be seperated fromthe wizards in this contest!


The Contest  
  
"OH YEAH!!, CONTEST DAY!!"  
  
GuaRRand was running through the house, gathering his best cloak and hat.  
  
"WHO'S YA DADDY!!, I'M YA DADDY!!" he shouted while running past the mirror.  
  
This was the big day, today he was gonna show all those other losers who was the most powerful wizard around.  
  
He memorised his best spells last night and he was sure that he was gonna win this years contest.  
  
With spells like, Bring out the dead, Summon killer bunny and cloud of smelly sox he was sure to win.  
  
Not to mention his most awful spell, the one he had only used once before and which had almost tore through the fabric of the know universe. Summon mother-in-law.  
  
He vowed he would only use this spell if he were in dire need.  
  
Kissing his wives feet (i gotta ask her about that one of these days), he walked out the door.  
  
The Contest was held in a remote forest somewhere near Mount Neverblows.  
  
It was about 3 days walking from here. Luckily there was a subway nearby.  
  
Seating himself besides a big man with dreadlocks and a small smelly dwarf he thought about who he would have to face in this contest.  
  
"Hmm, lemme see, there's Cypher, Mecka, Baz'eff, BizNaf, Do'omaz and Mekki The 1337"  
  
"Well, i can take them all.although i don't know this Biznaf and his name rings a bell"  
  
A bell rang (OMG, HOW LAME!!), he was nearing the secret contest place.  
  
He got out of the subway, pushed past the millions of people and walked out into the sunlight.  
  
"WOW, KEWL!!" he yelled  
  
He was walking into the most beautiful forest he had ever seen.  
  
It had trees and squirrels and everything!  
  
He could stare at the surroundings for hours, but he didn't have the time.  
  
The contest was waiting.  
  
Pushing past the same millions of people again, he walked over to the secret contest place.  
  
There was a great big hall and some kinda boxing ring. Along the left and right side of the boxing ring were large rows of seats.  
  
"Hmmm, looks like its gonna be crowded" he said.  
  
GuaRRand walked over to the registration booth and waited in line.  
  
After 30 minutes of waiting he signed in.  
  
"It might be better if i register under a false name, that way, if i accidentally castrate someone, they won't know it's me, it would look bad on my résumé.  
  
So he quickly registered under his nickname AlexGeeWiz  
  
Congratulation himself on his quick wit, he walked off to the nearest McDonalds  
  
(Hey, a wizard contest is big bucks nowadays!!)  
  
After stuffing himself with the special McWyvern burger and complementary diet Dwarven spirits, GuaRRand walked to the contest board to see whom his first opponent would be.  
  
"Cypher Vs AlexGeeWiz" he read out loud.  
  
"Great, i remember him, he once deserted his companions to work his wizardry for the the darkside. I shall take great pleasure in causing him PAIN!" GuaRRand thought.  
  
"AHA, my first victim" he heard someone say behind him  
  
GuaRRand turned around and..looked at air and trees and grass.  
  
Although he always had wondered what air would look like, he was absolutely sure that air couldn't talk.  
  
"Confused,? Don't tell me u don't recognise a simple invisibility spell!!?" he heard the voice say.  
  
"Sure i do" said GuaRRand.  
  
"Its just that i was wondering why a wizard of your stature and reputation would wanna walk without being seen!?"  
  
GuaRRand was having a great laugh at this, he knew that Cypher, after his desertion had become a very angry individual with only loathing for humanity and who even denounced Christmas!!.  
  
This had given him the reputation of being a very big DOLT.  
  
"Humph, well just wait until we get into the ring. I'll show u what real magic is" said Cypher.  
  
"No thnx, i already had sex with my wife today" GuaRRand said with a smile  
  
Cypher stomped away to..well GuaRRand couldn't see.  
  
GuaRRand decided to relax a bit before the match. He also decided that it would be great fun to cast Swarm of mad squirrels at Cypher. Yes, it would be SOOO much fun.  
  
The Match  
  
The time had arrived.  
  
Cypher was already in the ring. He wore a Black cloak over a black skirt- thing and a pink hat.  
  
That was probably the weirdest outfit GuaRRand had ever seen.  
  
He walked into the ring, proudly showing of his minty green cloak, Sky-blue shirt and Orange hair.  
  
He had left his hat in his dressing room, he would need that in the later matches.  
  
"So, did u manage to find the ring?" Cypher asked?  
  
"Well, you would ofcourse, since it's not invisible, hihihihihi" Laughed Cypher  
  
"Greetings to u 2" said GuaRRand  
  
Cypher looked around in confusion  
  
"Where?" he asked.  
  
"Where what??" GuaRRand asked  
  
"Nevermind" Cypher said with a grunt (which only requires an IQ of 20!!)  
  
The announcer spoke.  
  
"IN THE LEFT CORNER, WEARING A BLACK AND PINK ENSEMBLE, MADE BY SELINE THE SIRINE, ALL THE WAY FROM THE HIGH DUNES OF FORGET'EMDALE..IIIIIIIIT'S CYPHER"  
  
The crowd clapped..somewhat..well actually, some threw rotten cheeze at him.  
  
"Hmmm..cheeze" GuaRRand thought.  
  
But before he could make a move the announcer spoke again.  
  
"AND IN THE SOUTH-EAST CORNER, WEARING A GREEN ON BLUE ENSEMBLE MADE BY HIS WIFE MUPPIE, who is one of the most powerful creatures in the known universe, ALL THE WAY FROM HIS NICE COUNTRY HOME IN CENSORED (riiiight, like i am gonna tell you that!), HEEEEEEEEEERE'S JOHNNY!!!  
  
The crowed cheered!!  
  
"Errr..sir.sir..SIR!!!" yelled GuaRRand  
  
"Yes, what?" The announcer asked  
  
"It's AlexGeeWiz, NOT Johnny!!"  
  
"Oh, sorry"  
  
After the correction had been announced (can't very well go around being called johnny, now can we), the fight could begin.  
  
  
  
The bell rang.  
  
"I GOT IT!!" GuaRRand yelled and at the same time, a magic missile hit him  
  
"Ouch, that hurts!!!"  
  
He rubbed his stomach and got up.  
  
Cypher was already preparing his next attack and from the looks of it, it would be another volley of magic missiles.  
  
GuaRRand had to move quick, magic missile could be cast very quickly.  
  
He decided to cast the spell he had chosen specially for today.for Cypher.  
  
Quickly he pulled a squirrel out of his pocket.  
  
The creature looked a bit dazed. He had to remind himself not to put life animals next to the herbs next time.  
  
He threw the squirrel at Cypher and made the special, very 1337 looking moves with his hands, while speaking in the ancient tongue of wizardry.  
  
"ICKY ICKY NA'PONG TSJAKALAKA WICKY WICKY AHOOOOOOGA"  
  
The flying squirrel began to shake and its eyes began to bulge.  
  
It fell to the ground.  
  
"BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA" laughed Cypher  
  
"KEWL SPECIAL EFFECT THERE ALEX!!"  
  
He almost fell over from laughing.  
  
GuaRRand was smiling also.  
  
The squirrel wasn't. It was still shaking.  
  
Then, all of a sudden, it stopped shaking, it looked up slowly, made a hollow plopping sound and then there were two squirrels and four and eight and sixteen.  
  
The ring filled up with dozens of squirrels.  
  
Just as suddenly that it had begun, the multiplication stopped.  
  
The squirrels all started to screech and scream at eachother.  
  
GuaRRand made a wave with his hands and the squirrels looked as one towards Cypher.  
  
Cypher was on the ground, but he wasn't laughing anymore.  
  
GuaRRand made another move with his hand and the squirrels started to run over to Cypher.  
  
With high pitch screams the squirrels jumped on Cypher and started to nibble and claw at his tunic and cloak.  
  
"Who can blame them" GuaRRand thought, "It's one hell of an ugly ensemble he's got on"  
  
Cypher tried franticly to get the squirrels of him, but to no avail.  
  
After a good 5 minutes, the squirrels disappeared as good taste before a green-vained cheeze (God!!, he loved cheeze).  
  
What remained was a nekkid Cypher, full of scratches, but relatively unharmed.  
  
He's eyes where wide open and he was shaking like a Phone with a vibration- battery (funny things those vibration phones, the vibrate like hell, nice word btw, vibrate)  
  
"I GIVE UP, I GIVE UP, PLEASE GET THEM OFF ME, MAKE THEM GO AWAY, MAKE THE HURTING STOP, AAAAAAAAAAAHHH" Cypher got up, flailing his arms and ran out of the ring, into the Forrest.  
  
"Well, that's one more dent in his ego" GuaRRand grinned.  
  
The announcer got into the ring.  
  
"AND THE WINNER, BY TECHNICAL K.O.T.S.I. (knock out by squirrel intervention) IS ALEXGEEWIZ"  
  
The crowed cheered.  
  
Feeling quite content with his first victory, GuaRRand walked to the McDonalds again.  
  
"Those McWyvern's are quite tasty".  
  
"Tomorrow another day and another fight. I wonder who it'll be!?"  
  
More to come --- 


End file.
